I received a call from my fifth aunt that morning...passing me the shocking news. I almost fell...and sat my self on the floor...stunned for quite a few minutes...still couldn't believe what I've heard. And it was not long after that, I have started crying and almost couldn't stop. That 3 hours journey home was the most unpleasant. All I felt was sadness and tears...a whole heart full of regret. It was only a few days ago that day..when a little argument through the phone..have almost filled my heart with anger.
I cried all the way home in the car as my friend sped all the way from Kuala Lumpur to Batu Gajah, Perak...only to reach home to an environment I couldn't bear holding myself to see.
Laying there in the coffin, was the biggest energy that have driven us all, and the people around him. That was Pa...my Pa...
All those years when he was alive, his pressance was much felt... and, the lost of him was felt even stronger. Although he wasn't the most perfect father figure anyone could have ever imagined, but for me, he was always a strict and bold guardian, a symbol of a fairly wise thinking..and as for some people around him, he was the best person in mind for the best advise and help... Such a powerful energy that have contribute to a huge part of what I am today...and I shall never forget.
*
Life pass us by so quickly...I tried to recall. In these 30 years of my life, how many days have I lived? I mean..really lived...
Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes, we just can't help being ourselves.. We trip..tumbled and fall...hard.. Sometimes regret of what we have done.. or have to be done... There are days when our hearts are filled with anger and hate.. We have to learn to forgive others..and also forgive ourselves too. Learn the lessons and not to repeat the same mistakes..and move on fast.
Life is too short for us to dwell too deep into sadness, pain and grief. I, have been to the state..at times.. where I felt that my life have fell apart..shattered... I was completely heartbroken...and I have cried till my eyes went dry... Days went by..and weeks..and months... I have taken too much time away. There were things left undone..and most of all...a life not lived...
After a long time silenced away..thinking hard to myself, I woke up one day feeling like I have become someone else.. Someone who have awaken from a long nightmare. There have been enough time wasted..and more than enough time to pick myself up and start living a life...my life.
"_In the brightest blue of the sky,
there are clouds of grey...
In the darkest depth of the ocean,
there are crowns of beautiful corals...
Life is as such..
how'd you look at it?_"
-27th December, 2008-
