Down Memory Lane...

10th July, 2009. A date marked in my beautiful memory forever. My beautiful friend, Sook Fun got married! Among the whole bunch of us, old friends since primary school, she's one of my good good friend if not the best.

I still remember my Mom asked, "Are you really able to drive alone back home from KL after so many sleepless weeks rushing work?"
I simply answered, "Why not? I'm gonna be so excited! My good friend is getting married!"
Err...maybe there's another reason why I'll never feel sleepy in that 3 hours drive home. I was asked to be her emcee for the dinner! Yes...! The wedding dinner! There'll be too much things running in my mind, I wouldn't fall asleep! Wahahah...! Walaueh...! Emcee wor...Can't believe it!

Sook Fun is one of my friend since childhood that have given me some of the most wonderful memories..ever since the very first of my school years. That was the amazing year when we both shared the same 1st Prize of the year in Standart 1. Yes..! The school have to actually prepare 2 prizes! I remember we were sitting side by side, smiling silly at each other during the prize-giving ceremony at the end of the year of 1985. Was it 1985? Geez...I'm getting old...
All these years...24 years up to date...I've known her..(Wow..! Can we celebrate 'Silver' next year? How about Reunion Party?!..haha...!), we've grown to be very different. I'm into art..that was clearly seen since I was little. When Cikgu Pn. Kamariah was asking,
"Siapa di antara kamu yang berkebolehan untuk mewakili kelas dalam pertandingan melukis tahun ini..?"..Sook Fun was always one of my classmates who pointed their fingers to me..with her pinky apple cheeks and all smiles on her face, looking more excited than I ever did..("Thanks, sweetie..That..I take it as a form of encouragement.")
Years gone by and her academic achievements were, many many steps ahead of mine.
Thinking back, she made me realise some things about myself recently. I have always been thinking that I was one of the most quiet girls among the whole bunch of us who grew up together in St. Bernadette's Convent, Batu Gajah. That's why I was so surprised when she called me 3 weeks before her wedding dinner, asking me to be her emcee!
"Sweetie..I wasn't one of those people who's good with words ever since school years!"..I said... But now I realised..that's not so true.. (Hehe.. "pai seh"...) The actual reason is.. I didn't join tuition classes as the rest of my friends did during our early school years...And so, when they were talking about some guys next door and about so many other topics during recess every schoolday...I wouldn't have any clue! Then I will just sit there quietly..smiling silly and 'MCC'..with my 'messy channel tuning..' Got what I mean?(..ehe..so funny blurr one le...) And whenever I'm at work or deep into something, I'll often be extra quiet and looking serious. But other than that, I could be someone with lots of suggestions and have so much to say, and at times, I could be such a loud person! Maybe that's also one of the reason why I was assigned to be the 'Yell Leader' when we were Girl Guides and Rangers back then. Yey...!! Let's get loud...!! (..but baby..I'm no Jenifer Lopez!)

Back to Sook Fun.. now Mrs. Tay, she's one of the most beautiful person, intelligent, soft spoken and thoughtful..and her level of patience is superb! And I'd like to thank her family too. Their door is always open for me. Almost every Chinese New Year, I'd be appearing at their door without fail..and almost uninvited... (..tada..!)..and when Mr. or Mrs. Lee says, "Sook Fun..there's someone with a funny old car at the door.."..she'd know for sure, "Ah...That must be Yan Lih.." Yes..she was the first who knew and seen it when I first bought my Beetle..my Hubby.. 9 years ago. (Hey..that's a previledge, ok.. ehem..)
Being one of the most loved person among all friends.. (and also God), she's now blessed with a handsome hubby, Mr. Simon Tay..whom I really don't know much about..(..ehe...pai seh..)
"Woye...don't blame me wor...I know I have always been too busy..but she only inform us all out of a sudden..out of the blue..!" Was it in February or March.. err...that I don't remember, came one sms... "Dear friends...I'll be engaged tomorrow..May God bless our ceremony...
bla..bla..bla..." Back then, I guess most of us friends had nothing but one of a kind expression..with our mouth opened, "..whoa..."..brows raised..still looking at the sms with our handphones in our hands.. and one word.."..walaueh....!" Ya..who wouldn't be surprised..?! (..or was I the last one to know about it? ..geez...)
But after the wedding dinner on 10th July, I'd give a nod too.. Yup! This is a match made by 'God'... I was all smiles looking at them..looking great together. What a beautiful couple..a match made in Heaven!... and deep in a corner of my heart feels a little heavy..because she will be going to Vietnam just days after the wedding dinner. Her husband works there..

"Mr. Simon Tay, you better take good care of my friend. Though I've known her for 24 years now, but you have the previledge to be with her and share all about her for the rest of your life! You better appreciate that..or I'll get that cheap Air Asia flight, fly there in no time..and I'm gonna' kick your butt! (..joking..) I sincerely wish both of you a beautiful life together!"

And here..I'd like to give you...

Berries

Blackberries of Weedly

sold for none a penny

flowers bloom in Spring time

roses for my lady.

*

Blueberries of Stingwood

sold in the neighbourhood

roses shall be wilted

but true love never would.

-written in the tales-

1995

Love...Out Of Reach...

Some people dream too high because of their arrogance... while some others dream too far...till they couldn't even see their own ability, if they're able to grab hold of what's about to come. At the end, when they just couldn't handle.. they can't help it but to let go...
So often we see.. we find.. people who are aiming high.. looking far... Some even dream so much further than they can ever reach.. or even where they can never reach.. And so, they were blinded.. and they can't see opportunities.. what's precious and beautiful..just around them...
As for most of us..."..come what may..". And so, when it happens, we'll learn...
We'll live..and learn...


This is a story about love..out of reach...

Bintang...(Mencapai Bintang)

Sayang..

malam belum menjelang

kau impikan bintang-bintang nun jauh

di langit merah..

tak jemu-jemu kau pandang.

Sayang..

tanpa mengira apa jua nan datang

kau hulur tanganmu

menggapai-gapai

tanpa merasai apa nan tercapai.

Malam..

menjanjikan jutaan bintang

pemandangannya begitu mengasyikkan

manakah satu bintangmu?

tak tercapai inginmu...

Siang..

kau kenang bintang-bintang nun jauh

kabur mata hatimu

tiada kau hayati warna-warna indah

dibawa sinar mentari.

Sayang..

bukalah pintu hatimu

lihatlah wajah-wajah girang

tangan-tangan megah tercapai

..dia..

membintangi watak teranggun di hati

tanpa mengira siang dan malam...

-bisikan suara bintang-

25th April, 2009

A Reason To Love..?

Do you know..?
The 'cancer' in a relationship is being unreasonable.
When I was told that one of my ex wasn't the one for me, I always had my reason to believe...that we were meant to be. I guess, when we love someone, love is all that matters..and nothing else really does.
I could still remember how things could go sour..and all I could hear was only, "If you really love me and wanna' be with me, this is what I am...You wouldn't need me to change."_that's it.. end of conversation.
Well, if it is for the better, and if you do love that someone, why wouldn't you change? Is this only how much you could love?.._and this is only a question no one would even bother to answer.
This is such a common scene in almost any relationship. There is always a reason to love... and not to love.
Many people have been too comfortable with their way of life.. and they'd decide not to change anything. But when we are to live with someone else happily for the rest of our lives, we have to adapt and tolerate to each other's way of thinking and way of life.. And that means..we do have to change, at least a little after all.
If it is for the better, why not?
I've heard someone said, "I've been like this all my life. Even my Mom didn't say anything. Why should you?"
Hahaha...!
Well, honey... First of all, you're not marrying your Mom, don't you..? And please..grow up!
Yup.. Unless you wanna' live alone for the rest of your life.. or... if you could find a chameleon as a life partner, that would be superb! Don't you think? lol.....!
Sigh.....
When you don't love that somene anymore, there are always reasons...reasons not to love..end of story..stop hurting each other..and walk away. But when you do love someone..you'd do anything, even if it's unreasonable. Just like Bryan Adams in his song...

"_you'll do anything

you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

...you'll shoot the moon, put out the sun..

...deny the truth_believe a lie

there are times that you'll believe you can really fly

...you'll sacrifice

you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice

you'll risk it all, no matter what may come..."

Yes...and that is.. "When You Love Someone".
We all live in a world that is full of reasons..and things could get so complicated at times. But in the end, being rational, and the power of love...would knock our heads with answers finally...always.
I believe.. even the most stupborn people do change..because of certain reasons.. People do change..because of love. If it is for the better..and for the happiness of all.. why not? Don't give yourselves too much reasons not to love. The most beautiful things in life can not be seen nor touched..but are felt in the heart. Being able to love could open our hearts to many splendid things in life.. and makes our lives a pleasant journey to walk through.

"Though it could only be obviously seen perhaps

in hundreds of years...

even the rock mountains move

and there are plutonic changes in the whole of the mother earth..

and so..the world map changes.

Therefore..

there aren't anything in the world that couldn't be changed.

It takes energy and effort from within..

..and time will tell.."

-Words of Wisdom-

28th December, 2008

Fifth of January...

Five years ago today.....
I received a call from my fifth aunt that morning...passing me the shocking news. I almost fell...and sat my self on the floor...stunned for quite a few minutes...still couldn't believe what I've heard. And it was not long after that, I have started crying and almost couldn't stop. That 3 hours journey home was the most unpleasant. All I felt was sadness and tears...a whole heart full of regret. It was only a few days ago that day..when a little argument through the phone..have almost filled my heart with anger.
I cried all the way home in the car as my friend sped all the way from Kuala Lumpur to Batu Gajah, Perak...only to reach home to an environment I couldn't bear holding myself to see.
Laying there in the coffin, was the biggest energy that have driven us all, and the people around him. That was Pa...my Pa...
All those years when he was alive, his pressance was much felt... and, the lost of him was felt even stronger. Although he wasn't the most perfect father figure anyone could have ever imagined, but for me, he was always a strict and bold guardian, a symbol of a fairly wise thinking..and as for some people around him, he was the best person in mind for the best advise and help... Such a powerful energy that have contribute to a huge part of what I am today...and I shall never forget.

*

Life pass us by so quickly...I tried to recall. In these 30 years of my life, how many days have I lived? I mean..really lived...
Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes, we just can't help being ourselves.. We trip..tumbled and fall...hard.. Sometimes regret of what we have done.. or have to be done... There are days when our hearts are filled with anger and hate.. We have to learn to forgive others..and also forgive ourselves too. Learn the lessons and not to repeat the same mistakes..and move on fast.
Life is too short for us to dwell too deep into sadness, pain and grief. I, have been to the state..at times.. where I felt that my life have fell apart..shattered... I was completely heartbroken...and I have cried till my eyes went dry... Days went by..and weeks..and months... I have taken too much time away. There were things left undone..and most of all...a life not lived...
After a long time silenced away..thinking hard to myself, I woke up one day feeling like I have become someone else.. Someone who have awaken from a long nightmare. There have been enough time wasted..and more than enough time to pick myself up and start living a life...my life.

"_In the brightest blue of the sky,

there are clouds of grey...

In the darkest depth of the ocean,

there are crowns of beautiful corals...

Life is as such..

how'd you look at it?_"

-27th December, 2008-