Upon hearing his words, I was like.."..what..?" (O.o)..and seeing that I wasn't looking so happy, he asked, "You don't like what I said? Sorry..sometimes I read and sometimes I could be poetic.."
Well, the thing is..he don't really know who is he talking to..and so I said,"..please..don't try to be poetic with me."..I barely gave him a smile as I turned and looked away.
I knew well what he meant, but I can't help but feeling a little disgust..a little sarcastic behind the beauty of his words. It was like an 'all spice'..I swear.. not because I don't take compliments in a way..not that I don't like him with his dark hair, toned and tall figure with his sturdy good looks, and his poetic senses are clearly seen through his dreamy eyes that can easily swept any dreamy girls off their feet, not even because he said something I don't like to hear, but he is someone I hardly know, someone i hardly seen for the 3rd time, someone I hardly talked to..and most of all, he don't know me.
Somehow, I'd still give him a credit..whether he dare to say something he thought I'd love to hear..he made an effort trying to fake it just to make me smile, or he may even have an unknown intention behind his thoughts. But at the end of the day..I'd say..most girls would love to hear nice words from most guys..and most of all, her guy.. Just too bad, I'm not often that kind of girl..and he ain't my guy. He might just be another boy who couldn't help being poetically silly..who's blinded just by a plain dainty silly smile of a random Asian woman..a smile that may have made her look almost a decade younger than her age.
Thinking back..there are similar words written in one of my poems, but it means totally different. I guess..when the exact same words came from a different person, it could mean very differently too.
Lately..despite many words I heard that should have brighten up my days, makes me feel happy and appreciated..I actually felt the silence more than anything. Maybe what I need to hear was from the wrong person..or for the wrong reason. And now, not only that I need some silence time to think and write as what I am doing at this very moment..but on the other hand, I felt the silence that have left my heart cold..as cold as I could almost hear the whisper in the winds that came brushing my hair. There are words unspoken..maybe it was never meant to be. Maybe it's time to think again and realize..that things which are often need to be asked are often not sincerely given..and so, it's just sad to say..that it's meaningless. What more it's telling you when there were silence even when you've asked..? On the other hand..when some words came out hurting..they are meant indirectly that certain door is being closed. And so..silence is needed for the brain to think..for the mind to realize..for the heart to feel..and the hurt to heal...
Silence..
Angin..
kaubawa berita
cerita-cerita dari kumbang
yang terbang merantau nun jauh
.."breaking silence in the heart"..
...
Angin..
kaubawa bayu salju
'tuk pepohon bunga putih
membawa harapan bebunga kan mekar kembali
.."breaking silence in her heart"..
...
Rindu..
membawa kekumbang nan jauh merantau
datang membawa hati girang
datang membawa harapan menjulang
.."breaking silence in his heart"..
...
Kekumbang..
terusik.. terasyik melihat pepohon
namun.. pepohon tiada berbunga
tiada haruman.. tiada cerita.. kecewa
.."silence in his heart"..
...
Pepohon..
.."silence in her heart"..
kekumbang sehinggap dan terbang lagi
jauh merantau..
berita.. cerita..
tiada lagi dari angin nan salju...
-cerita dari bayu nan salju-
27th April, 2009
Some says..that I am a cold person..I guess what they don't know how to explain was..it's in a way that I seldom talk.. but when I talk, I'd often talk deeply. I'm cold in a way that I stare to a distance with plain emptiness in silence as I listened and process every word I heard with it's hidden meanings in between the lines..before I finally open my mouth and give a response or answer. I'm cold in a way that I hardly make an expression and react or respond so spontaneously as most other people does..but when I speak, I'd make a direct and strong point and mean deep. Sometimes I choose to talk only when I need to..and I often said what I mean and mean what I said..unless sarcasm breathes too thick in the air..it chokes some sarcasm out of my chest too. Know what I mean..? But to those..most of the time, I wouldn't often choose to even entertain.
I may be cold in a way that even when there were numerous nice things someone have done for me in a day, I'd only say "thank you" once at the end of the day, sometimes not at all till the end of the week..and they know well that words that comes out from my mouth are as solid and as truthful..they could mean or worth many times as deep as what's been said or heard..and most of all, my actions always speak louder than my words..when the meaning in my words are already loud enough without really raising my voice.
So, hear me when I say, "I love you..", "I miss you..", "I do appreciate your presence in my life.." Hear me when I say, "Thank you..", "Thank you for being my friend..".."Take good care of yourself as I'm not able to be there to take care of you.." Hear me when I say, "Watch what you're saying.." or "Stop it what you're doing.." despite the weight of my patience is way beyond measure.
Same as the questions that comes out from my mouth..are meant to look for what I really need to hear..Or else, I wouldn't care to even ask in the first place..because as many of those who are close to me may have known by now that I'm a person who don't often request, ask or want anything particularly from others. So, those who really listen with their heart..could only know what I mean and what I need even though my words are so often direct.. Only those who cares would open up their heart and hear me when I say..till I ask or say no more..cos' at the end of the day, the best comfort I'd find is still in my solitary silence..as I hear you when you say...
