Beautiful Sunday Dream...

Under The Soft White Sheets...(Beautiful Sunday Dream...)

Lingering on my bed

I saw you smiling back at me

a morning greet with my husky voice

warm embrace and a passionate kiss..

feeling your fingers on my curves

and your warm breath at my ear

feeding each other with so much love

oh.. how I wish that you are here.

_With memories as fresh as the morning air

I dream about you and me

the wildest nights we've ever had

under the silky soft white sheets..

-in the dreams of love-

July, 2008

*

Cinta Jauh Di Bayangan...

Cinta Jauh Di Bayangan...

Jika cinta boleh dibicara

takkan hatiku kau lukai.

Jika hatiku bisa berkata

tidak ku menunggu dikau mengasihi.

Cintaku...

hanya bayangan di hatimu.

Kehadiranku...

hanya hiasan jauh di suatu sudut matamu.

Hatiku...

kau selubungi awan-awan kelabu di bawah langitmu.

Kini,

ku membawa diri

kembali mewarnai hidupku

merasai rentak irama setiap langkahku

dicerahi mentari di langit biru

dibayangi lagu-lagu cinta di sebalik senyumanku..

-hasil karya kenangan cinta-

15hb Julai, 2008

*

Great Expectations!

'Expectations'. How many of you can explain, what it means..what it brings, and most of all..what it does?
A dear friend of mine is struggling financially and could hardly live up to his pretty wife's expectations.
Some friends of mine have been complaining that they have been working like hell to make it up to their bosses' expectations.
"What does she expect? I'm not perfect!"
Yes...you're darn right!
"What do they expect? We are not super powered!"
That's a line I often hear. Yes..yes..yes...my dear friends..Darn right! Exactly!
And just recently, one of my friend complained,
"...are women all like that? ..expect and expect and expect..."
Huh...?? (..gulp!.)
Yo! Hold it.. right there..! Who da' heck expecting anything from you here? Don't flare your temper just yet.. unless you wanna' spoil your own day..or grow old faster..ok.. Gosh! I don't know...May be something I have said or done.. Then..I held a few steps back..almost instantly!
Sigh...
Ya..But as for some people..you can never blame them for placing high expectations to make sure the jobs turn out fine..so that they would get the results that they want.. and so forth...and so forth...
As for husbands and wifes, spouses and friends..or whatever roles you're playing there, please la...don't place too high of an expectation on others...till at times, the person feel suffocated.. and feels like wanna' jump off the roof of the 13th floor!! Expectations are to be there.. but not too much la...ok. Mercy me! (..giggle..)
But from another point of view... let me put it this way. Yet..expectations are to be there..ok. Look at the positive side, my friends.. If your spouse never expect anything from you, but from another.. What would it look like? Your marriage seems like a 'gone case'. Got what I mean?
My dear friends, if there ain't anybody expecting anything from you, wouldn't it seems like you have nothing to offer.. or none of a use? Or when somebody says,
"You can't expect anything from her..."
..what would it sound like? Pathetic la..don't you think? Another 'gone case'. (lol..!)
I have been living my life with full of difficult people around me. Their expectations can really be something like a 'hanging rope'. The more you complain.. the more you're gonna' weight yourself down.. and you're definitely gonna' die.. So, push yourself up a little and work it out positively..and you're gonna' survive just fine!
I remember when I was in primary 1, I have once tried asking my Pa for a new school bag, because I have only been using an old one from my elder sister.. and my Pa said,
"If you get all As, I'll get you one."
I did brought home my Report Card and showed him all the straight As I've got, but then he said,
"If you get all 100 marks, I'll get you one."
Thinking back, I would have said the same as any of you,
"Walau eh...! I'm not a Super Girl le...!" (lol...!!)
But think again.. If not because of his super high expectations, I may not have studied so hard and got straight As! All through my 26 years of life when he was alive, his expectations of me were none the less.. and I have been doing all the best I can possibly be..to survive with that kind of 'hanging rope' around my little neck. Gosh! But look at me now! I'm thankful to my Pa..ok.
When I step out into the society and work, my bosses can expect more of me and I can always deliver. But in fact.. I have always been the one who often expect more expectations from the boss! Gees..!! What da' heck of a society is this..? Isn't my life interesting?
This is how I choose to look at it. So, bring out your positive thinking.. and work it all out with your positive attitude. It's not the end of the world. Life can be pretty much interesting! How would you choose it to be? How would you expect? Well, think about it!

Moral

Beware of too sublime a sense

of your own worth and consequence!

The man who dreams himself so great,

and his importance of such weight,

that all around, in all that's done,

must move and act for him alone,

will learn, in school of tribulation,

the folly of his expectation.

-written by William Cowper-

1731-1800

*

Have You Got Art...?

What time of the year is this? There's a whole bunch of people that I know..having such a hell of a time with simply anything you could think of.. Let's talk about nothing else but work here.
Work...work...work...
What is your profession? I'm a professional, also in a service line now, and I have to deal with all sorts of clients with all sorts of attitude. I teach as a part time basis, and I have to deal with my students' different attitude in order to be able to teach effectively.
My friend, Diego just said that he's working like hell in the office.. and he's looking for a job elsewhere. Soo is struggling to collect his payments. Jason too, is eyeing for another job, because he hates the office politics.. and the list goes on...and on...
I have been working in different companies too in the previous years. I have seen all kinds of things, but there's nothing that could stop me from working effectively and happily.
In Elba Group, I was chasing after my boss to make progress and pushed him to make some decisions to bring up his brand to a higher level. As the result, there was over 30% increase of overall sales in less than 5 months of the most quiet and down low season of the year! That was 10years ago when I was only a fresh grad.
I was with Puteh Enterprise when I stood up and argue with the boss who was messy and unorganised, and that have made all the workers feel sufffocated in the working environment. All the workers actually raised and clapped their hands when I'm done with my sound speech that have made the boss speechless.
When I was with British India Co., I was chasing after my superior and the boss to give me more and more work.
I have also been working with Kookai, M-Phosis, and also some other small boutiques. But I resigned from all these jobs and companies with only 1 reason.. that is bacause I wanted to do more.. and never because of anything else. Office politics couldn't stop me.. difficult and messy bosses wouldn't stop me.. sexual harrasment in the office couldn't stop me.. jealous colleagues wouldn't stop me.. even hot headed explosive tempered superior couldn't stop me.. Nothing can stop me from doing my job, deliver..and see a clear positive result!
Wonder how the hell I have been doing my job? For me, it's very simple. I am a working person.. never leave my job undone.. always promise myself to make progress.. always be observant and ever learning.. evolve fast and effectively.. always be a helpful team-mate to push up a strong team work.. hmm... What else? Sounds complicated? Let me make it more simple for you.. 'POSITIVE THINKING' Yes! That's all I need.
I am a person without any luck. All sorts of experiences have made me what I am today. Believe me. Let me share with you a little experience.. something that happens to flash back into my memory just a while ago..

*

It was when I was with British India Co., back in 2004. It's quite a big and established company. I was working in the Merchandising department. One of the senior of that department then was such a pain in the a**. Anyone working there would have agree the same. But that was nothing to me. It was the head of the Drafting and Production department next door.. who was so much worse than a devil..and that was according to everybody there.
What is so special about this particular lady? Well, she is someone too much of a perfectionist..never satisfied with anybody. A great job only deserve a little nod of her hot tempered head.. never smile. And when she was so often not satisfied, almost the whole floor could hear her screaming. And then.. we can see her 'little soldiers' working with shaking hands and ever fast walking but trembling feet. Some were even teary in the eyes. At times I can see one or two of them crying while continue working. Such a pity..
I was then still a new staff, less than a month..and I have already start admiring this lady. "Amazing!" I would say, "..how she could flare her temper and attitude. She didn't even realise how ugly she look in all other's eyes! Isn't that amazing?" (lol..!!)
One fine day.. I just couldn't stand her voice piercing into my ear with that buzzing sound anymore.. every day. It was only during my lunch hour.. and I have already finished all my work for the day..as like any other day. Then, I decided to spend some time doing a little thinking while sketching and checking e.mails. I said to myself, with a wide smile,"Hmm...here's something I got to do tomorrow. Oo...This got to be so exciting!"
The next day came.. After lunch, I have done all my work.. and I was waiting... Waiting for what? Waiting for that amazing lady to amazingly flare her temper again! Yes! That was exactly what I was doing!
In less than an hour right after lunch, there she was.. the super active volcano explode again! I was then..took a deep breath..and walked next door to the Drafting and Production department...
"Ms. Lim! What's happening?! You've just sent me a shock with your voice so loud!" I said to her, smiling and half giggling, giving her a little bit of an innocent look in the face.
All the girls there were looking at me in disbelieve.. almost shocked. There were girls from other departments came peeping, wanted to know what's going on.
"What are you trying to do here, little girl? This is not your department." she said to me, trying to sound calm while still feeling hot with her temper in her head.
"I'm here to help. I have finished all my work back there. Why is it so messy in here? Too much of work and too little help..I guess?" I added.
"No. This is none of your business..and you're LayBee's girl. I have no right to give you work." she said, "Go back to your place."
"Oh, it's ok. LayBee is not in for the day. I have finish my stuff and I am so boring..got nothing to do. You're holding the highest position here, and nobody will dare to say anything. Anything occur, I can answer to LayBee. Don't worry. It's nothing bad I'm doing. And I know all your work here. I can easily do it. Come on. Just shoot. Anything!"
She was thinking for a while before saying,"Ok. Come. Do this for me..."
...and so it have started...
She was explaining to me.. quite fast in her speech..and I said,
"Ms. Lim. Can you please talk slower ah?"
And right at that moment, she raised her voice again,"You listen carefully la! You wanna do the work or not?!"
Then I answer to her in a friendly tone, smiling,
"Sure I want! But aiyo..you don't have to raise your voice ma..I'm just right beside you. I can hear clearly. Don't scold la.. You could grow old faster le.."..and I'm still giving her a smile.
Then she explained again with a lower tone, and this time a bit slower.
Hm...that seems to work..
At that moment, I can see that all the girls were hiding their face, burst out laughing. Kim Peng, her assistant, ran and hide at the back of the shelve and laughed..till even Ms. Lim herself could hear her. Right there..at that moment.. I was clenching my teeth..hard..trying not to even smile. This is not a joke that I was tring to play..not al all.
It was when I was doing the work given..and suddenly..
"Hey! Not like this! I told you..and u never listen carefully! Like that.....!" Oh..my..There she is again..raising her voice.
Then I answered,
"Okay! Right away! But Ms. Lim, I'm trying to do it in a more effective way. Be patient la..Don't look at me and scream right from the back of my neck... Scare the hell out of me..then you got my hands shaking..and my feet trembling.. How am I gonna do my work and deliver?"
Then she smiled...step away.. and get back to her seat. I did gave her the result that she wants. When that day was done, there were all smiles. I have done something that nobody have ever dare to do before..and I have made a huge difference.
From that particular day onwards, things changed..the whole Drafting and Production department have changed..and the working environment of the whole floor have changed.

*

What I want to share with you is... Do you dare to make that step for a change? How badly do you want a change? How positive could you ever be? And when you have done your thinking...just make that move!
I have always remember the words from my Pa,"The Art Of Speaking." When he first said it, I was thinking..what did he possibly means? As time goes by, I have observe and learn...and still learning... How about you?

Heaven Can't Wait...

It was the day before... I was having an evening break as usual in the studio, sitting on the sofa.. holding a log book with a piece of A4 paper on top of it.. and a pencil slipped in between my fingers of my right hand.. As I just close my eyes, I dreamt of Pa again, but this time with a vision I never had before... It wasn't only a vision.. because I almost felt exactly how he felt...

Heaven Can't Wait...

It was one fine morning

but Daddy feels ain't right

cos' the birds ain't singing

and the strays are out of sight.

*

Breakfast seems unpleasant

the coffee wasn't thick

heart beats heavy as he turned

the change he didn't bother to take.

*

Daddy felt it's hard to breathe

as he parked and closed the gate

it's clearly not the coffee..

not the breakfast that he ate.

*

As Daddy gasp his last breath

his whole life flashes by

love ones were all out of reach

couldn't even say goodbye.

*

"Yan Lih..please take care of Mommy for me

though her love for me has gone

for I am thankful.. she should have seen

when all of you were born.

*

Pass my message to Ah Jie

her temper ain't doing good

do take good care of herself out there

and get covered when it's cold.

*

And Daddy feels so sorry, Yan Lih
for the things Daddy have said and done
Daddy knows you're angry, honey
with your strong will and patience.. you've put it all behind.
*
Do take care of yourself and be happy
the only thing Daddy took from you
Daddy loves you none the less, honey
and you know you feel it too.

*

Remember to be strong and hold on
when all else are falling apart
for you're the one with the arm so strong
conquer it with the love in your heart."

*

As the last breath sigh out of Daddy

his heart was heavy to let go

"Heaven can't wait..honey

Daddy have to go..."

-vision in a dream..-

7th July, 2008

...he wanted to talk to me, but I couldn't be there for him.. With that, I was awaken breathless and almost choked.. because I couldn't help it..I couldn't stop crying...I could imagine if I was there when he was about to go, I could have cried even worse than I've had yesterday..or any day....
"Pa.. I did what I have to do with Mom and Sis, and they're both fine now. As for the rest.. I'm still struglling to hold this family together. This responsibility, I will bear.. because 'it's ain't heavy, it's my family..'. I know I will always have your blessing as how you have your faith and trust in me. Thanks Pa..I will always..always remember..."

Love.. Came And Gone...

How many times have you experience love? A love you just fell into.. a love that makes you feel that, "..this is it.."..and you feel like you'd give it all.. for this relationship. One moment, you're feeling the warmth and happiness.. but you woke up one day and found it completely over and left you almost drained. And there you'd go..starting all over again.. over.. and over again...
Here is another 'sajak' in Bahasa Malaysia. It's about love..came and gone...

Indah Wangi Pepohon..

Pepohon bunga putih

air mata berlinangan.. sedih

mungkin dilukakan

tak mungkin dapat dilupakan.

*

Dia kemari,

keindahan dipetik dibawa pergi

keharuman disia.. sepi

janji pepohon dibajai.. jua dimungkiri.

*

Pepohon bunga putih

hanya dedaun tiada seri

kau ditinggal lagi

kepiluan dirasai sendiri

sendiri.. dan sendiri lagi

mekar bebungamu hanya di hati..

-written in the lost of love-

date unknown..

.....and here is an English version of a poem with meanings almost the same as the 'sajak' above..

By Her Window..

She feels the wind by her window

we can see her eyes full of sorrow

could be some pictures in her mind

couldn't leave it all behind.

*

They used to come to her window

took all she have and they'd go

had her trust.. and all she could give

tell her lies.. and leave.

*

There she is again by her window

with her alone is only sorrow

what she wants.. it doesn't show

but no more those who come..

...and then go..

-written on 5th September, 1998-

There's a voice.. always reminding me in my head.." The world is still spinning every little second, and life have to go on." One relationship after another... It's like one whole story after another. Lessons learned.. hard.. and I have moved on.. on.. and on again. Experience were precious... and all that.. I have brought forward to write the next chapter of my life. Yes.. it is my will..and only mine..whether to write, decorate, or paint it with the colors and hues of love... the love that have never dies...in my heart..

"Nobody loves you better than you love yourself.." -favourite quote-

Dreams Come True..

How often do you dream..or have a dream? Generally, ambitious dreams, beautiful dreams, day dreams, sweet dreams,..and maybe nightmares too.. hm.. What else..?
I think, there aren't a single being in this world who never had a dream. I've even seen my dog, many times, staring up at the mango tree with ever wondering eyes..almost smiling.. But there's nothing up there! No birdies, no squirrels jumping up and down..nothing! And when she shifted her sight from the tree down to the ground, she gave a deep sigh! When I said to her, "Gigi...You're dreaming again!" She smiled at me. Amazing!
Growing up in a small family, in a small 'kampung' house, in a small village, i guess, almost everything else is restricted. Being the youngest in the family isn't always a pleasant experience. Even the space to express myself is pretty much..err...none.. Or should I say, 'not allowed'. Then.. is when all the self development begins.
I still remember, it was during one of my primary years back at school, we were asked to write down the 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice of our ambitions and the reasons why. By the end of the class, everyone have writen down all their 3 choices.. but my paper was still empty. When the teacher ask me why.. I replied,
"How can I decide so soon, without seriously thinking? This is not a game or a joke, isn't it?"
...and I still remember her expressions upon hearing my words. She was surprised..frowned for a second, then raised her brows and smiled at me with a sigh.. and she said,
"Just write down anything that comes across your mind la.."
Then I said, "I want to be a teacher."
She asked me why..and I said,
"Because that's the most noble profession and beneficial to the society."
The teacher asked again, "The 2nd one?"
I said, "Perhaps an astronomer.."
..and she asked, "Why?"
I answered,
"..so that I can reach for the stars and take a good look at the earth from afar."
After a few seconds looking at me, she asked,"..aha.. And the 3rd one?"
I said, "Maybe an artist."
"And why is that?" she asked.
"I can paint all my beautiful dreams lo.. " I answered.
"Hm..Good!" she said.. "Write them down and pass it to me..now!"
I was writing for a while before I ask her,
"Teacher. How to spell astronomer ah?"
Then she gave a sigh and said,
"Aiyo.. You go home..and look into the dictionary la.. Tomorrow only pass the paper to me. Now everyone want to go home..ok."
Then.. I was only to realise.. the whole class of students were looking at me with a puzzled look.. almost frowning. I was almost reluctant to say "Goodbye Teacher". I think "Thank you, Teacher" would sound more appropriate, because she is the best person whom I can direct all sorts of questions to. At times, I'd ask and ask till the teacher feels tired of answering. (lol...) Eh..annoying her is never my intention, ok..
Everyone have had dreams when they were little.. and I still do..at times. It's only that.. when we grow up, things changed, situations changed, people changed, the whole world has changed..and still changing...

Dreams All Over The Ocean

I've had dreams in the broad daylight

I've had dreams in the restless nights

and those demons around me

haunting me as i break free.

*

And so I wrote a message in a bottle

where I penned my dreams, huge and little

flung it out to the waves

not knowing where shall it heads.

*

Days and years passes me by

fears and tears, they're running dry

haunting demons were lessen

wild wishes and dreams forgotten.

*

Those were the winds.. I guess

however.. they did not suggest

broke my dreams into pieces

sent them all to the fishes

as they swam all over the ocean.

-written on 20th October, 1998-

...somehow, my dreams and ambitions aren't too far in difference with what I'm currently doing. I do teach as a part-time job (though not much of a noble thing), loves travelling and see the world, and I was a Textile Artist who painted my dreams on fabrics, now a Fashion Designer who put beautiful dreams into my creations, and also a Stylist, Costumes and Make-Up Artist who can make dreams come true! And most of all, I love what I do!
Am I not a fortunate one? Yes..I definitely am... and that takes some courage to even dream about it in the first place..let alone making my first step.
There is no doubt if I am known as a "Dreamer" among my family members and also some of my old friends who knows me well. Being a person who dare to dream..have brought me far. Though I often silence myself in a corner, thinking hard.."like a guy", a friend of mine once said, and so..I have become a person very much in touch with my inner self and deep, deep feelings.
I can't keep a plant growing well and lushes green. I guess I'm not so gifted with my hands after all. But it is amazing how things can grow so beautiful and positive in my mind at times.. in my dreams.. and so it affects my daily life. This is actually how I keep myself happy and alive every day. Try it.. and you'll be different!