"What's the difference between loving somebody and being in love with somebody..?"..he asked..
I was a little stunned..as though my chest stop breathing..my heart stop beating for a little while....and I replied to him after a few seconds..said..it's hard for me to just find some words and describe or explain to him right then in an instant..but I will put them in words on paper..or in a page.. someday.. one day..but there's never been a good day till this memorable day..today.. How can I forget.. Well, maybe someday I will.. But before that..I will always fulfill my promises as long as I can remember..
Stunned..cos' I was thinking..for a person who doesn't even know the difference..how was it possible that he's in love..? He wasn't..he isn't..he never will be..within this space of a love..so intense..so overwhelming..he may not find himself to understand..appreciate..and love..after all.. Maybe some may even find it intimidating..Such disappointment...
What is love to you..?..Who am I supposed to ask now but only myself..
Love have nothing to do with that great looks that will grey and whey away..nothing to do with wealth and health that could be lost and found in what you do and how you digest..absolutely have nothing to do with that big house, that sporty car or those Prada coat, LV bag or Jimmy's shoes that will wear and tear or deplete of value in no time. Love is nothing material..
Love is a feeling that you want to be close to someone who you'd want to spend a little more time with..to understand more and even care and protect them..someone..anyone who gave you some feelings whenever and whatever happens to them..and you know that you have feelings to care for them.. Just like you love and respect your Mom and Dad..some of your close friends..even your pet little kitty or that little bunny. Their condition makes you want to care..their depression makes you feel sad too..You know you love their company..and you know you love them..
But what about being in love..? How would someone know the difference..?
Gosh..! There's a huge difference..!
How can I describe..? This is something I can only best describe with my eyes closed..and how I wish a speaker can be plugged right in and broadcast it live from my heart or from my mind..cos' this ain't something that could be so beautifully put in words..'Most beautiful things in the world could only be felt in the heart..' ..anyway...
Since don't know when..I sometimes think like a man..sometimes behave like a man..and even love like a man.. Why..?..because I really do think every heart is the same as fragile..and a man needs about the same thing..the same as much love as a woman..and vice versa.. Don't get me wrong..I'm not gay. So, let me put my feet into the other pair of bigger shoes that are not mine..and let me describe this as a man..with the man in me..for a person like me..it ain't so hard to imagine after all..
*..eyes closed...deep deep breathing...*
....."I love her".....
There's a feeling so beautiful..so intense..it almost hit my mind..keep reciting inside my heart..almost whispering inside my ears..every time the images of her appears in my mind..and the kind of emotion almost bring tears to my eyes..so happy..just thinking of her..having her as a big part of my life I couldn't wait to share with..as a person whom I know..how she complete me in many ways..And she's the only one who could do the wonders like no other..
Suddenly, there were love songs filled the silence wherever I go..life has a new meaning..I find myself doing lots of things positively with a reason..Suddenly, I wake up happier, the sun seems shinier..my days seems brighter and my nights seems warmer..even though I still sleep alone on my single bed..knowing there's someone loving me back, saying, "I love you too.."..whenever I tell her, "I love you.."..Calling each other Hunny..Hunn..Sweetheart..Sweetie..my PDA Baby..it's all so happy and so sweet..I almost forgot the sugar in my freshly brewed coffee..The existence of such love..overcome all troubles, heal all sadness and hurt.. So, there's so much warmth in the heart..The look of love and happiness all over our faces...
Suddenly..Valentine's Day is the day I'd most looking forward to..a day I will never miss..so excited to get a sweet gift or surprise for her and this shall never fail..as it seems to become more important than any other special event..a day to celebrate with so much love as fancy as I could imagine..but at the end of the day, just looking at each other's eyes and say, "I love you so much.." with that warm kiss and hug is the very best even without any stupid gifts..because love is only important if you'd remember, cherish and appreciate it..and so, "I love you too.." is the only thing you're so looking forward to hear..These words are so powerful, they can melt my heart..put those problems and worries aside for a while.. Every little event all year long have become another reason to celebrate love..when just wishing "Happy Birthday" doesn't seems enough, I'd wanna' wish her, "..all the love, warmth and happiness you want on this very special day..and every single day.." besides everything else that she needs.."..and I want to do anything I can to make you feel happy and loved.."
Love is so powerful that it could stir up all emotions..How upset I'd get when someone doesn't treat her right..how jealous I'd feel when some random guy treat her extra nice..How worried I feel when she disappear every now and then without a message..telling me if she's having a good day..How disappointed I feel each time she's too busy and absent altogether from my wall, she didn't even poke me..How anxious I could get when I so wanted to hasten myself to talk to her and tell her every single thing that happens to me every single day..every little things..happiness..sadness..embarrassing moments..I don't care..for she's the only one in the world I'd share it all with..knowing that I could always trust..that she would always try her best to understand..giving me smiles and words as soothing as the morning breeze.. give me strength against all storm, support right at my backbone every time I was down..and so effortlessly, she gives me confidence to stand up and fight again..walk the world ahead and be happy again..Every time..I could be so sure..I know..She will be there..for me..like no other..
Yet..that's not quite like it..
At times I'd find her loving me like a Mom..so caring of my well being..so long winded as she's so worried..she loves me like a Dad..so protective..with her arms so open whenever I need it, trying to be so strong even when she's in her own crossroads so full of muddy pod holes..she loves me like the best buddy, telling me all cruel truth without offending me..such truthful loyalty..such honesty..no other friends could ever give me..
Looking deeper..at times..unconsciously..I keep improving myself to be better and better because of that particular person I really love..I feel so excited and looking forward to see her and be with her, I dressed up..groom myself looking my very best whenever I'm going out with her..I'll try my very best to be well, take good care of my own well being..No matter how busy I could get, I'd find some time to read and get to know all about her health condition too..maybe even more than she ever does..simply so that I can take care of things when anything arise..and take care of her.. So unconsciously.. there are things I'd find myself start learning, doing and improving..because there's a kind of energy so positive..it becomes a motivation for me to become a better person altogether. How much she does effect me as a person without doing or saying much..and I'm proud to have her feeling proud of me too..Proud to hold her hands and can't wait to go everywhere with her, travel the world..and tell everyone, "She's my precious love..She's mine.."
She is someone who makes me feel so happy waking up every morning knowing there's someone so loving and caring for me..and she is in my life..that's exactly where I wanted her to be. She's the one who comfort me after a long and exhausting day..cupped my face with her loving hands and wipe away my tears with her delicate fingers..look right into my eyes and say, "I'm right here..and please always remember that I love you..", she'd hold on and squeeze my hand when I'm down..kiss my forehead and cheek..giving me little big hugs whenever I need it..touch me ever so lovingly and respectfully.. gives me hope and motivation to look and move beyond..makes me feel so secure and assured that happiness is right here..calms me and makes me smile to sleep every night just thinking of the way she loves me..that I'll feel better when I wake up tomorrow with a smile when she's the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning..and I'll rise and go again no matter how hard life could ever get..
I fell in love with the way she loves me..not that pretty face, not that pretty hair, not that sexy curves like a playground to my hands..
but the look in her eyes that can never go wrong..
the love in her heart that ever grow so strong..
makes me feel so sure..I know..that I'm loved..
..and I'm so in love..
..this is it..!
This is the kind of love I don't want to live without..
"Awh..>.< so much crap!"
..the whole world would be saying the very same..isn't it...
"That's so freakin' impossible to find someone like that..So hard to have such happiness..such feeling..so incredibly lot..so intense..so much to even digest.. It's ridiculous..!"
But is it so hard to love..? No.. I don't see why not.. Isn't love the reason that keep your world ever so beautiful..? Love is one simple thing in life that is so powerful, it can motivate us to do so much more..nothing is impossible till you've tried your very best..! And that is one simple reason why, I always wanted to be able to love so truly, so I can be truly happy..I want to be that lovable person whom I can mirror and see myself loving..a person who's so worthy of every bit of love and emotions..a person who's able to love like no other and make it all worthwhile.. And so, I have always put my feet in other's shoes..and try to imagine..how hard it is to find someone like that..it's impossible..It's like hoping for a star to fall right at your feet..too impossible.. too lucky to be true..maybe one in a few million..or maybe it will never happen in this lifetime. But for me..I'm thinking..if it's so hard to find someone like that, why not be that someone instead..? I only live once..and if there's only one way I could choose to live my life..then..let it be Love..and I believe the same as for many..that when you're in love..when love sparks like a huge firework, nothing is impossible..I want to try my very best to be that kind of person with such energy to motivate with such love when the right person comes along..not much..just a person who clicks and feels the same as I do..who could so naturally motivates me too with the way he loves me..and let me love so effortlessly and be loved in return.. And even if there's no one in the world I'd rather be with till the end of my lifetime..at least I'll be able to look into that mirror and be able to smile and say..
"I Finally Found Someone..
...Someone Like You..."
I Finally Found Someone ~ Bryan Adams & Barbra Streisand
*
Someone Like You ~ Van Morrison
~ Love of a lifetime.. ~
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