Heaven Can't Wait...

It was the day before... I was having an evening break as usual in the studio, sitting on the sofa.. holding a log book with a piece of A4 paper on top of it.. and a pencil slipped in between my fingers of my right hand.. As I just close my eyes, I dreamt of Pa again, but this time with a vision I never had before... It wasn't only a vision.. because I almost felt exactly how he felt...

Heaven Can't Wait...

It was one fine morning

but Daddy feels ain't right

cos' the birds ain't singing

and the strays are out of sight.

*

Breakfast seems unpleasant

the coffee wasn't thick

heart beats heavy as he turned

the change he didn't bother to take.

*

Daddy felt it's hard to breathe

as he parked and closed the gate

it's clearly not the coffee..

not the breakfast that he ate.

*

As Daddy gasp his last breath

his whole life flashes by

love ones were all out of reach

couldn't even say goodbye.

*

"Yan Lih..please take care of Mommy for me

though her love for me has gone

for I am thankful.. she should have seen

when all of you were born.

*

Pass my message to Ah Jie

her temper ain't doing good

do take good care of herself out there

and get covered when it's cold.

*

And Daddy feels so sorry, Yan Lih
for the things Daddy have said and done
Daddy knows you're angry, honey
with your strong will and patience.. you've put it all behind.
*
Do take care of yourself and be happy
the only thing Daddy took from you
Daddy loves you none the less, honey
and you know you feel it too.

*

Remember to be strong and hold on
when all else are falling apart
for you're the one with the arm so strong
conquer it with the love in your heart."

*

As the last breath sigh out of Daddy

his heart was heavy to let go

"Heaven can't wait..honey

Daddy have to go..."

-vision in a dream..-

7th July, 2008

...he wanted to talk to me, but I couldn't be there for him.. With that, I was awaken breathless and almost choked.. because I couldn't help it..I couldn't stop crying...I could imagine if I was there when he was about to go, I could have cried even worse than I've had yesterday..or any day....
"Pa.. I did what I have to do with Mom and Sis, and they're both fine now. As for the rest.. I'm still struglling to hold this family together. This responsibility, I will bear.. because 'it's ain't heavy, it's my family..'. I know I will always have your blessing as how you have your faith and trust in me. Thanks Pa..I will always..always remember..."