How often do you dream..or have a dream? Generally, ambitious dreams, beautiful dreams, day dreams, sweet dreams,..and maybe nightmares too.. hm.. What else..?
I think, there aren't a single being in this world who never had a dream. I've even seen my dog, many times, staring up at the mango tree with ever wondering eyes..almost smiling.. But there's nothing up there! No birdies, no squirrels jumping up and down..nothing! And when she shifted her sight from the tree down to the ground, she gave a deep sigh! When I said to her, "Gigi...You're dreaming again!" She smiled at me. Amazing!
Growing up in a small family, in a small 'kampung' house, in a small village, i guess, almost everything else is restricted. Being the youngest in the family isn't always a pleasant experience. Even the space to express myself is pretty much..err...none.. Or should I say, 'not allowed'. Then.. is when all the self development begins.
I still remember, it was during one of my primary years back at school, we were asked to write down the 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice of our ambitions and the reasons why. By the end of the class, everyone have writen down all their 3 choices.. but my paper was still empty. When the teacher ask me why.. I replied,
"How can I decide so soon, without seriously thinking? This is not a game or a joke, isn't it?"
...and I still remember her expressions upon hearing my words. She was surprised..frowned for a second, then raised her brows and smiled at me with a sigh.. and she said,
"Just write down anything that comes across your mind la.."
Then I said, "I want to be a teacher."
She asked me why..and I said,
"Because that's the most noble profession and beneficial to the society."
The teacher asked again, "The 2nd one?"
I said, "Perhaps an astronomer.."
..and she asked, "Why?"
I answered,
"..so that I can reach for the stars and take a good look at the earth from afar."
After a few seconds looking at me, she asked,"..aha.. And the 3rd one?"
I said, "Maybe an artist."
"And why is that?" she asked.
"I can paint all my beautiful dreams lo.. " I answered.
"Hm..Good!" she said.. "Write them down and pass it to me..now!"
I was writing for a while before I ask her,
"Teacher. How to spell astronomer ah?"
Then she gave a sigh and said,
"Aiyo.. You go home..and look into the dictionary la.. Tomorrow only pass the paper to me. Now everyone want to go home..ok."
Then.. I was only to realise.. the whole class of students were looking at me with a puzzled look.. almost frowning. I was almost reluctant to say "Goodbye Teacher". I think "Thank you, Teacher" would sound more appropriate, because she is the best person whom I can direct all sorts of questions to. At times, I'd ask and ask till the teacher feels tired of answering. (lol...) Eh..annoying her is never my intention, ok..
Everyone have had dreams when they were little.. and I still do..at times. It's only that.. when we grow up, things changed, situations changed, people changed, the whole world has changed..and still changing...
I think, there aren't a single being in this world who never had a dream. I've even seen my dog, many times, staring up at the mango tree with ever wondering eyes..almost smiling.. But there's nothing up there! No birdies, no squirrels jumping up and down..nothing! And when she shifted her sight from the tree down to the ground, she gave a deep sigh! When I said to her, "Gigi...You're dreaming again!" She smiled at me. Amazing!
Growing up in a small family, in a small 'kampung' house, in a small village, i guess, almost everything else is restricted. Being the youngest in the family isn't always a pleasant experience. Even the space to express myself is pretty much..err...none.. Or should I say, 'not allowed'. Then.. is when all the self development begins.
I still remember, it was during one of my primary years back at school, we were asked to write down the 1st, 2nd and 3rd choice of our ambitions and the reasons why. By the end of the class, everyone have writen down all their 3 choices.. but my paper was still empty. When the teacher ask me why.. I replied,
"How can I decide so soon, without seriously thinking? This is not a game or a joke, isn't it?"
...and I still remember her expressions upon hearing my words. She was surprised..frowned for a second, then raised her brows and smiled at me with a sigh.. and she said,
"Just write down anything that comes across your mind la.."
Then I said, "I want to be a teacher."
She asked me why..and I said,
"Because that's the most noble profession and beneficial to the society."
The teacher asked again, "The 2nd one?"
I said, "Perhaps an astronomer.."
..and she asked, "Why?"
I answered,
"..so that I can reach for the stars and take a good look at the earth from afar."
After a few seconds looking at me, she asked,"..aha.. And the 3rd one?"
I said, "Maybe an artist."
"And why is that?" she asked.
"I can paint all my beautiful dreams lo.. " I answered.
"Hm..Good!" she said.. "Write them down and pass it to me..now!"
I was writing for a while before I ask her,
"Teacher. How to spell astronomer ah?"
Then she gave a sigh and said,
"Aiyo.. You go home..and look into the dictionary la.. Tomorrow only pass the paper to me. Now everyone want to go home..ok."
Then.. I was only to realise.. the whole class of students were looking at me with a puzzled look.. almost frowning. I was almost reluctant to say "Goodbye Teacher". I think "Thank you, Teacher" would sound more appropriate, because she is the best person whom I can direct all sorts of questions to. At times, I'd ask and ask till the teacher feels tired of answering. (lol...) Eh..annoying her is never my intention, ok..
Everyone have had dreams when they were little.. and I still do..at times. It's only that.. when we grow up, things changed, situations changed, people changed, the whole world has changed..and still changing...
Dreams All Over The Ocean
I've had dreams in the broad daylight
I've had dreams in the restless nights
and those demons around me
haunting me as i break free.
*
And so I wrote a message in a bottle
where I penned my dreams, huge and little
flung it out to the waves
not knowing where shall it heads.
*
Days and years passes me by
fears and tears, they're running dry
haunting demons were lessen
wild wishes and dreams forgotten.
*
Those were the winds.. I guess
however.. they did not suggest
broke my dreams into pieces
sent them all to the fishes
as they swam all over the ocean.
-written on 20th October, 1998-
...somehow, my dreams and ambitions aren't too far in difference with what I'm currently doing. I do teach as a part-time job (though not much of a noble thing), loves travelling and see the world, and I was a Textile Artist who painted my dreams on fabrics, now a Fashion Designer who put beautiful dreams into my creations, and also a Stylist, Costumes and Make-Up Artist who can make dreams come true! And most of all, I love what I do!
Am I not a fortunate one? Yes..I definitely am... and that takes some courage to even dream about it in the first place..let alone making my first step.
There is no doubt if I am known as a "Dreamer" among my family members and also some of my old friends who knows me well. Being a person who dare to dream..have brought me far. Though I often silence myself in a corner, thinking hard.."like a guy", a friend of mine once said, and so..I have become a person very much in touch with my inner self and deep, deep feelings.
I can't keep a plant growing well and lushes green. I guess I'm not so gifted with my hands after all. But it is amazing how things can grow so beautiful and positive in my mind at times.. in my dreams.. and so it affects my daily life. This is actually how I keep myself happy and alive every day. Try it.. and you'll be different!
1 comment:
It was a pretty sight,
The other night,
It was during dinner if I remember right,
I caught little Ellie revering in my sight.
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